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I walked into his office, a defeated salesman on the verge of quitting. Two hours later, I joined his mentorship program and signed a loan commitment for $12,500.
Nobody had ever made me feel like I was a man of such importance and stature. I strutted out the door, feeling like I owned the world.

我,一个几乎要辞职了的失败推销员,走进他的办公室,两个小时后,我加入了他的导师计划,并签署了12500美元的贷款承诺。
从来没有人让我觉得自己是一个如此重要和有地位的人,我昂首阔步地走出门外,感觉自己拥有了整个世界。

But it didn’t start out that way.
I had stepped into his office hesitantly, intimidated by his display of success. The walls sported pictures of his skiing exploits from all over the world. His desk featured the requisite man with Mercedes photo. All of the trinkets on display looked like museum pieces.

但一开始并不是这样的。
我迟疑地走进他的办公室,被他成功的表现吓到了,墙上挂着他在世界各地滑雪的照片,墙上挂满了他在世界各地滑雪时的照片,他的办公桌上有一张必不可少的男人和奔驰车的照片,所有陈列的小饰品看起来都像是博物馆里的珍品。



He took out a fresh notepad and pen and sat across from me. We exchanged brief introductions, and then he opened with, “Tell me about your struggles.”
He scribbled notes furiously as I spoke. When I stopped, he shot back with, “That’s interesting. Can you tell me more?”

他拿出一个笔记本和一支笔,坐在我对面,我们简单地互相介绍了一下,然后他开始说: “ 告诉我,因何而挣扎。”
我说话的时候,他疯狂地写着笔记。
当我停下来的时候,他回头道:“ 有意思,你能告诉我更多吗? ”

He’d throw in other questions (what he’d call reversals), not to frx the conversation but to keep me talking. The one or two times he wanted to change the direction of the discussion, he’d first ask permission.

他会抛出其他的问题 ( 他称之为反向问题 ) ,不是为了框定谈话,而是为了让我继续说下去,有那么一两次他想要改变讨论的方向,但他会先征得同意。

By the time we had finished, he had filled up four pages of handwritten notes. He summarized his conclusions on a giant whiteboard. He labeled it “Barry’s Action Plan To Hit $250K.” I told him my goal was 100K, but he responded, “After hearing your story, you’re capable of so much more.”

我们谈完的时候,他已经写了四页手写的笔记,他在一块巨大的白板上总结了他的结论。
他把它命名为“ 巴里的25万美元行动计划” 我告诉他我的目标是10万,但他回答说: “听了你的故事后,我觉得你能做的更多。”

And then he sold me on his mentorship program by pointing out what he had written on his whiteboard.

然后他向我推销他的导师计划,指出他在白板上写的东西。

Fourteen years later, I consider it the smartest investment of my life. It was an insane amount of money for me. And I’m still amazed at how he sold me. He had barely said a word, but I had never felt so important, so revered by someone outside my family.

14年后,我认为这是我一生中最明智的投资。
当时那对我来说是一大笔钱,时至今日我仍然对他是如何向我推销的感到惊讶,他几乎一言不发,但我从未感到自己如此重要,如此受到家人以外的人的尊敬。

How to make someone feel extraordinary

如何让一个人觉得自己与众不同

A few weeks after my mentorship began, he broke down his three-step approach to relationship building.

在我开始辅导的几周后,他打破了建立关系的三个步骤。



I saw all this and concluded; he’s treating me like I’m a dignitary.
But your actions alone, only make up half the demonstration equation.

我看到了这一切,并得出了结论:他把我当成了一位重要人物。
但是,仅仅是你的行动,只占示范方程式的一半。

You also show interest through your body language. Slumped shoulders and lethargic movement signals disinterest. Sharp movements, good posture, and smiles show sincere desire and anticipation about what they have to say.

你也可以通过你的肢体语言表现出兴趣。
耷拉的肩膀和无精打采的动作表明人们对此不感兴趣,敏锐的动作,良好的姿势和微笑表现出真诚的愿望和对他们要说的话的期待。

Imagine meeting a friend for coffee. She greets you with a frown. She checks her phone every time you speak and breaks eye-contact to stare at the table next to you. But she tells you she’s super interested in what you have to say. Hard to believe, right?

想象一下和朋友喝咖啡的情景。
她皱着眉向你打招呼,每次你说话的时候,她都在玩她的手机,不再与你有眼神交流,而是盯着你旁边的桌子,但是她却告诉你,她对你要说的话非常感兴趣,难以置信,对吧?

If you want someone to know you’re interested in them, don’t say it. Let them conclude it from the actions you take and the body language you exhibit.

如果你想让别人知道你对他们感兴趣,不要说出来,让他们从你的行动和你的肢体语言中得出结论。

Use reversals to keep them talking about themselves.

[ 使用反转来让他们谈论自己 ]



How so? I didn’t see that coming.
Really? Tell me more… If you’re comfortable.
Curious, how did that make you feel?
That’s interesting, and then what?
Why is that? If you don’t mind me asking.
And? Don’t stop now. I need to hear the rest.
That makes sense. What else?
Notice how there’s a transition statement before or after each question.

为什么? 我没想到会这样。
真的吗? 如果你觉得舒服的话,再告诉我一些。
我很好奇,这让你感觉如何?
这很有趣,然后呢?
为什么? 如果你不介意我问的话
然后呢? 别停下来我要听完剩下的。
有道理,还有呢?
注意每个问题前后都有一个转换语句。

When you shoot back with just a question, it comes across as harsh, even with the right tonality. The transition statement buffers the question and makes the conversation feel natural.
If you need to move the conversation in a new direction, always ask permission and give the other person the freedom to decline.

当你仅仅用一个问题回复时,即使音调正确,听起来也会很刺耳。
转换语句可以缓冲提问,使对话感觉自然。
如果你需要把谈话推向一个新的方向,总是要征得对方的同意,给对方拒绝的自由。

Show someone they’re capable of more than they believe.

[ 向别人展示他们比自己想象的更有能力 ]

I was once part of a clique where one of our friends always took it upon herself to raise the spirits of everyone she met. She’d profess her confidence in their abilities and praise them for their excellence. The problem was, she often had no basis for making these assertions.
Her intentions were kind, but the praise was disingenuous. My mentor had made it feel sincere because he did his homework first.

我曾经是一个小圈子里的一员,我们的一个朋友总是主动去鼓舞她遇到的每一个人,她会对他们的能力表示信任,并赞扬他们的优秀,问题是,她经常没有根据的做出这些断言。
她的意图是善良的,但是赞扬是虚伪的。
我的导师让我感觉很真诚,因为他先做了功课。

He learned about me, summarized his findings, pointed out my strengths, and explained how he would help me hone them. Only then did he tell me I was capable of more than I believed.
“You should quadruple your income goal, perhaps more.” The proof was there. I had to believe it.

他了解我,总结他的发现,指出我的优势,并解释他将如何帮助我磨练它们,此时他才告诉我,我的能力超出了我的想象。
“你的收入目标应该是现在的四倍,或许更多。”证据就在那里,我不得不相信。



Your actions, not words, demonstrate a desire to learn about someone.
Whenever possible, use reversals to gather information and keep the conversation focused on them.
Use that knowledge to point out the greatness they never knew they possessed.

· 你的行动,而不是语言,显示了你想要了解某人的愿望。
· 只要有可能,就使用反转来收集信息,并保持谈话集中在这些信息上。
· 用这些信息来指出他们从来不知道自己拥有的巨大(潜力)。