什么样的对话只发生在中国?【上】

原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ps5588.com 翻译：叶良辰 转载请注明出处

Christy Vickers, Lived in Suzhou for two years
upxed Feb 25, 2017
All paraphrased but the general idea
1:
Colleague: you are getting a little fat.
Me:...
2:
Lady I met on a train: Hello
Me: Hello
Lady: what are you doing here?
Me: working here
Lady: how much do you make a month?
Me: X amount
Lady: Oh that is not enough
(this was actually a hilarious conversation on a K train in broken Chinese when I first arrived)
3.
Colleague: you're getting a little beer belly
Me: ...
4.
Me: what is your fiancée like?
Colleague: Fat and not so handsome.
5.
My friend: My girlfriend and I broke up.
Me: Oh no, how come?
Friend: I went to her home town for spring festival and her parents told her I didn't have good enough prospects.
6.
Colleague: I like your sweater
Me: Thank you.
Colleague: Why are you saying thank you?
7. (I'm sure everyone has this one)
Me: ni hao
any Chinese person I ever said this to: your Chinese is so good!
8. ( as I'm in the process of buying two carrots)
Colleagues: Oh my god you're buying carrots
Me: Yes I'm making dinner later
Colleagues: For (name of my girlfriend)?
Me: Well yeah she will also be eating.
Colleagues: such a great boyfriend.
Me: ???
9.
older colleague: This girl from X region has applied for a job can you help me reply to the email
me: Sure
Colleague (as we are working and clearly slightly worried): How dark do you think she'll be?
Me: :o ...
10.
Chinese teacher: How much do you pay for this apartment?
Me: x
Teacher: *shakes head* that is too much.
11.
taxi driver: I don't like Obama and I don't like Americans.
me *laughing*: My girlfriend (who is sat in the back) is American
Driver (to her):Ah but where are your ancestors from?
Her: Cuba, kind of.
Driver: Ah that's why you're OK.
12. (in the sweltering heat of Summer)
Chinese grandma: can you please turn the air con to less cold, it will make my child sick
Me (not going to argue with a grandma: Ok.
13.
Every Chinese person: Drinking cold water is bad for your stomach.
14.While traveling on a bus to the place north of Shangri La whose name escapes me (edit: it’s Deqin 德欽) our bus had to stop for hours cause of a small landslide. Everyone was obviously a bit tired and hungry.
One bloke comes up to us and happily says: 你肚子饿了吗？(literally is your tummy hungry?) and laughs and walks away. It was bizarre as it sounded more like what a child would say.
15: colleague: I'm so jealous of how white you are.
16: In a 兰州拉面 place (place for pulled noodles)
Guy at counter greets customer with: 什么？(what?)
Guy isn't insulted and orders.
Really displays the difference in expectations in customer service. It's a two way street though as servers are not treated with much respect.
17. Not a conversation, quite the opposite. I've been in a few taxis where the driver has not said one word and only grunted at necessary times. I have had some great taxi drivers too though.A couple from a very pleasant lady who worked in a school office which I used to have a break in. She loved to chat (regardless of how much I could understand).
18:
Lady: Suzhou has lots of good places to buy pearls. You're English, all English people love pearls.
Me: They do?
Lady: Of course just look at the queen.
19: (I have no idea how this came up or why she thought it was acceptable to say but I must admit I could only find the situation hilarious)
Lady: I suppose people are a bit like rice.
Me: In what way?
Lady: Well European people are under-cooked, African people are overcooked and Chinese people are just right.
Me: .?!.?! I see.
20:
Lady: Europeans are much better looking than Americans.
Me: I see.


6.
同事: 我喜欢你的毛衣
我: 谢谢你。
同事: 你为什么要说谢谢?

7.
(我相信每个人都碰到这样的)
我: 你好
任何中国人: 你的中文太好了!

8.
(因为我正在买两根胡萝卜)
同事们: 哦，天哪，你在买胡萝卜
我: 是的，我做晚饭
同事: 为了(我女朋友的名字)?
我: 是的，她也会吃饭。
同事: 真是个好男朋友.
我: ? ? ?

9.
年长的同事:X地区的这个女孩申请了一份工作，你能帮我回复邮件吗
我： 好的
同事(因为我们正在工作，显然有点担心): 你觉得她会有多黑?
我: 啊……

10.
中文老师: 这套公寓你付多少钱?
我: x
老师: 摇头，你付太多了.

11.
出租车司机: 我不喜欢奥巴马，我也不喜欢美国人。
我(笑): 我的女朋友(坐在后面)是美国人
司机(对她说): 啊，但是你的祖先是哪里人?
她: 古巴，算是吧。
司机: 啊，这就是你没事的原因。

12.
(在酷暑中)
中国奶奶: 你能把空调开小一点吗?它会让我的孩子生病的
我(不打算和奶奶争论） :好吧

13.
每一个中国人: 喝凉水对你的胃不好.

14.
去北香格里拉旅游的时，我们坐的巴士在半路上抛锚了几个小时，
大家都有点又困又饿.
这时，一个家伙走过来,高兴地说：你肚子饿了吗？(你的肚子真的饿了吗?)然后笑着走开了.
很奇怪，因为这听起来更像一个孩子会说的话.



20.
女士: 欧洲人比美国人好看多了.
我: 我明白了.

21.
我们的公寓有一个很好的公共场所，天气好的时候你可以去那里坐坐.
它的设计有点像斗兽场，那里人很多，充满活力，是一个闲坐的好地方.

在一年中最炎热的一天下午，
我和女友坐在外面的长椅上聊天。
有几个孩子在父母/祖父母的监督下玩耍。

作为“外国人”，我们穿得比较随意，短裤、凉鞋等.
而大家要知道，中国人的小孩，对天气变寒是早早就有准备的.
这个倒不错，天气很冷的时候，多穿点是应该的.
不过，大家知道，季节变化一般是慢慢变的，
而那些早早穿厚衣服的小孩，
胀得像巧克力工厂里查理和维奥莱特·博雷加德.

（当时我们闲坐在那里），
有一个骑着三轮车的小女孩目不转睛地盯着我们.
她绕我们转了几圈，脸上带着困惑和可能是轻蔑的表情.
绕了四五圈后，她停下来，
带着完全不相信的态度(之前我们从未见过她)向我的女朋友提出了这个问题：“你为什么没穿袜子?”

(或者说，对不起，我的中文现在很糟糕).
这句话的意思是:“你为什么不穿袜子?”.

Christy Vickers
Interesting, in what way?
I always felt that there was something to their hot water insistence as well and I came to like a nice glass of hot water. Difficult to listen about the aircon though when you're sweating buckets.

有趣？ 哪里有趣了？
我总是觉得他们对热水的坚持也有一定的道理，
我开始喜欢喝一杯热腾腾的热水了.
当我汗流浃背的时候，我都很少开空调了.

Joseph W. Hatch
#13 My In-laws tell me the horrors of drinking cold water. I have heard everything from "it will make you sick" to "your liver will go to sleep" and "your body will be cold and you will never be able to recover" In the U.S. it's a bunch of superstitious nonsense. In China it's a different story....

我的亲家告诉我喝冷水有多可怕.
在美国，我听到过各种说法，
从“它会让你生病”到“你的肝脏会睡着”，再到“你的身体会很冷，你永远无法恢复”.
在中国，说法就完全不同了……

Robyn J Silverthorn
Along with the taxi drivers asking my salary and if I like Chinese men/ food... Taxi driver: are you married?
Me: No, I don't want toTaxi driver: (hearty laugh) Not possible!An American friend told me this exchange he had:
Taxi driver: Do Brits speak American?More, off the top of my head:Student/ shopkeeper/ whoever: Why is your skin so white?
Me: Umm... my parents?Me: I don't eat meat
Chinese person: :O you just eat vegetables?Me: well, there's more to food than meat and veg...
Chinese person: oh, rice?Me: um, yea... Me: I don't eat meat
Chinese person: oh, you can take the meat out of your food and put it in this bowlMe: I don't want meat
Waiter/ friend: Okay, no problemFood comes, as vegetarian as a hamburgerMe: (pushes bowl away)Student: I like swimming (presumably outside)/ running/ etc, but it makes my skin black :(Me: ...Me: what are your hobbies?Student: eating andsleepingMe:...
Student (at about 11:30): and now you go for lunch?
Me: i'll exercise first
Student: :O Now? But it's lunch time!
Me:...
Student 1 to Student 2: You are a pig!
Me: :O
Student 2 to Student 1: No, you are a pig!
Me: :O
Students 1 and 2 laugh and hug and skip off into the sunset together
Student: Do you have your moonly hurt?
Me: my what?
Student: Your moonly hurt
Me: Um... no?
Student: I do. So tired/ hurt/ whatever
Me: TMI
Student: X ask for leave, she has her period
Me: you tell your male teachers this?
Me: Fancy ice cream/ a beer?
Chinese woman: I can't. My aunt is here (see the last e.g. for a hint)
Me: oh. Of course
Me: it's so hot/ cold today/ i have a cold/ the world is ending
Caring Chinese friend: drink more water
Stranger: hello
Me: hello
Stranger: Where are you from?
Me: England
Stranger: Do you have WeChat?
Me: no, sorry
Stranger: can you give me your phone number？
Me: I guess. ###
Stranger: we can be friends?
Me: Um... sure...
Stranger: let's go to drink tea and eat local food
Me: i'm busy, sorry
Is that mean? I don't even know the person...

还有出租车司机问我的工资收入，问我是否喜欢中国男人/食物……
出租车司机: 你结婚了吗?
我: 不，我不想
出租车司机: (开怀大笑)不可能!

一位美国朋友告诉我，他是这么说的:
出租车司机: 英国人说美国话吗?

还有更过分的，从我头部（看到脚）
学生/店主/谁: 你的皮肤为什么这么白?
我: 嗯……我的父母吗?

我: 我不吃肉
中国人: 你只吃蔬菜?
我: 嗯，食物不仅仅是肉和蔬菜……
中国人: 哦，米饭?
我: 嗯,是啊……



学生: X请假，她来例假了
我: 你告诉你的男老师这个?

我: 要花式冰淇淋/啤酒?
中国女人: 不，我大姨妈来了(见最后一个例子)
我: 哦。当然

我: 今天太热/冷/我感冒了/世界末日到了
关心我的中国朋友: 多喝水.

陌生人: 哈罗
我: 哈罗
陌生人: 你来自哪里?
我: 英格兰
陌生人: 你有微信吗?
我:没有,抱歉
陌生人:你能给我你的电话号码吗?
我:我猜。# # #
陌生人:我们可以做朋友吗?
我: 嗯…可以……
陌生人: 我们去喝茶，吃当地的食物吧
我:对不起，我很忙
啥是意思啊?我甚至都认识这个人…